So you're probably wondering what's wrong with me. So before i do a post about what it actually is i've got, here's a really quick story of one of the worst days of my life as a result of what i've got.
Pls note this story happened before i was diagnosed which is why it's pretty awful, but you'll get it once you've read!
I was diagnosed in January of this year with Ulcerative Colitis after being admitted to hospital, however had been suffering from October 2014, the hospital failed to give me a correct diagnosis for nearly 4 months...so last Christmas and my 17th birthday this January, consisted of rolling on the floor in agonising pain for hours on end, and vomiting after every single meal - literally, i was the thinnest and palest I'd been in my whole life.
The GP, and even the hospital at some point were just telling me it was IBS, a common side effect of stress amongst teens and young people...but what was happening to my body felt so much more than that, especially because i know people with IBS and when speaking to them about it, they could not relate whatsoever with what i was going through.
Pretty scary, huh?
I thought my whole body was against me, no matter how many painkillers or water i drank, it just got worse and worse. So much that on Christmas Day last year, all i could eat was two measly roast potatoes due to constant nausea and stomach cramps (for people that don't know me-a roast dinner is my FAVOURITE meal ever!) to then vomit it up on the side of the road on the way home.
Pretty grim, and without sugar coating it, it was not a very merry Christmas at all.
Skipping a few more weeks, it was soon after my birthday (where i couldn't even enjoy my own birthday cake) when i had one of the worst nights of my life. My tummy felt like it was con-caving, physically squeezing into a tight ball is the only way i can describe it. I managed a short 4 hour shift at the cafe i work at at weekends. Throughout the shift i couldn't even stand to serve customers, i was having to take their order whilst leaning on the serving counter- so embarrassing but at the time, a last resort.
My boyfriend at the time picked me up and took me to his house where i laid on the bed howling in pain asking for someone to "just punch and knock me out" so i couldn't feel it any more. He was panicking and ended up phoning my step dad and telling him i need to go to a hospital as i started saying things i didn't mean, the pain almost started making me hallucinate and to his horror, actually laugh -like the evil demon thing does in horror films when their being burnt alive.
To be honest the rest of that afternoon was pretty hazy. I recall being carried like a baby out of my boyfriends house by my stepdad, i heard the cars from the main road where there were probably people driving past wondering why the hell a 17 year old girl was being carried out of a teenage boys house whilst screaming in pain.
I was in a state of complete delirium, the pain seemed to become my body and i couldn't remember any thing else, just the sound of my step dad frantically calling through his phone book trying to get some help- he didn't want to go back to the hospital as not only was he fed up that the hospital hadn't got to the bottom of my problem, but the painful 3 hour+ wait in A&E with a weak, bewildered young girl that was vomiting stomach acid every 10 minutes, didn't seem ideal.
The next thing i remember is laying in bed being fed soup by my distressed mum with sips of water- that stayed down for all but a few minutes.
I then remember it being about 1am and sitting on the bathroom on the floor sobbing to my step dad and mum with a look of pure helplessness. They argued about taking me to A&E but with the risk of being given some tablets and sent home (which had already happened 3 times since October) they tried to put it off.
Next thing i know i'm laying in the back of the car, covered in duvets on our way to the hospital. My parents say i was so delirious i was talking to myself, asking myself "what is happening to me?" "why me, what have i done to deserve this?" - this was quite mild as to what i was saying earlier to my boyfriend which to my horror was more like "please kill me, i can't do this any more".
Nearly finished, I promise!
So after 2 hours in A&E they've agreed to let me stay the night. They put me in a bed and rolled me into a ward that was almost pitch black and dead silent- I probably got a few dirty looks when I arrived still sobbing. Suddenly, as my parents stood over my left side, a nurse appeared at my right and quite vigorously jammed a massive needle into my thigh. It was morphine, and a lot of it. All of a sudden I felt a huge rush through every vein in my body...the pain disappeared and I took a sigh of relief...I then noticed my mum blow me and kiss and leave the ward with my step dad, I tried to scream for her to come back but after nearly 24 hours solid screaming and the morphine, the room became a daze and I slept so peacefully for the first time that year.
I spent just over a week in hospital... the first time. It was pretty depressing, but those experiences are for another day!
Sorry this was so long I so didn't plan for that, and that was all in one day! I hope that gives you a taster of how distressing my life WAS at the beginning before I got put on the correct medication. Don't worry, it's not like that any more.
Also I know I said this blog wasn't going to be morbid and sad, and it's not! I just felt I needed to tell you some serious stuff so you feel like you know me better, and besides, this is the first time I've thought about, let alone write about that day in such depth since it happened!
More to come soon, hopefully a lot shorter too.
Thanks for reading!
Joelle xoxo
